Posted by
ColoMike on Friday, November 07, 2008 6:27:32 PM
Obama's campaign has been all about the money. Like a good Democrat, he has demonstrated an insatiable appetite for money and has spent it like water. His election night party reportedly cost $2 million and he actually charged the news media to cover it. Now that he has won election, the next logical step is product endorsements and I have compiled a "starter list" for him to consider.
Kool-Aid
Athletes who accomplish greatness have graced Wheaties boxes for years. Although Obama plays basketball, athletic prowess is not his strength. Political analysts have said that, more than heading up a political party, Obama is leading a movement. His speeches, filled with little more than thought-terminating cliches, anaphora, jejune rhetoric, and hyperbole delivered to chanting crowds is more typical of a cult. To honor this newest American craze, Kraft Foods should adorn Kool-Aid packages with his picture. Obama has hinted that he might prefer to have his picture on the dollar bill. However, it is considered bad form to place your image on currency before you have accomplished anything. Let's just settle for Kool-Aid for now.
Silverstone
Ronald Reagan was known as the "Teflon President". In terms of political "slickness", he has been eclipsed by Obama. Therefore, it is appropriate that Obama endorse the most modern and advanced nonstick cooking surface. Since Reagan didn't seize the opportunity to endorse Teflon, Obama's endorsement of Silverstone would once again demonstrate just how hip, modern, and savvy he is compared to stodgy Republicans, reifying his campaign rhetoric that they have no new ideas.
Drano
One of the most famous moments of the campaign was when Joe the Plumber dared ask Obama a reasonable question. The rest was history. Joe's personal privacy was trashed by Democrat partisans and he was continuously ridiculed by Obama. Because of this, I doubt that any plumber, or even any tradesman, will cherish the thought of doing repairs at the Obama house. Imagine the fallout that could arise from the repairman asking, "What seems to be the problem?" Kiss your privacy goodbye, buddy and prepare to be made a public laughingstock! Imagine Obama paying the repairman and then demanding the money be returned so it can be distributed to other people. Finally, the press would hound the repairman mercilessly the minute he walked out the door.
The Obamas will need to have alternatives to professional repairment and Drano should be at the top of their list. Anti-plumber solidarity among Obama supporters should cause Drano to fly off the shelves.
RE/MAX
Obama has a long connection with the real estate market through his work on low-income housing. More important, the purchase of his Hyde Park home is perhaps the most famous real estate deal of recent years. Obama and felon Tony Rezko bought adjoining properties and then Rezko sold a portion of his property to Obama to increase the size of his lot. RE/MAX should be able to leverage the ideas of creative financing and consorting with criminals along with Obama's "Yes we can" mantra in an ad campaign that will truly inspire first time home buyers.
Microsoft Vista
This is perhaps the most appropriate product endorsement of all for Obama because they have so much in common.
- Vista is bloatware. Obama proposes bigger government.
- Vista is characterized by poor performance and a glitzy look and feel. Obama is characterized by little accomplishment and soaring rhetoric.
- Microsoft continually updates Vista. Everything about Obama is written in pencil; he revises his personal history, political positions, and what his statements "really mean" at will.
- Microsoft has defeated competitors with questionable business practices. Obama won his first election by challenging nomination petition signatures.
- Microsoft has been found guilty of engaging in unfair business practices. Obama uses campaign strategies from Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals.
- Microsoft and Obama have gone from humble roots to a position of dominance in one lifetime.
Above all else, Microsoft and Obama both approach competition with Darwinian zeal.