This election has been called historic, and it probably was.  A hallmark of historic moments is that they change the future.  Fair enough.  Here are some changes I want to see.

I never want to hear the mainstream media (MSM) criticize Obama for anything.  If they don't like Obama's policies, they should criticize their own lack of objective and investigative reporting during the campaign.  If Obama does something "surprising" (e.g., a far left agenda), the MSM should look to their inadequate vetting of him during the campaign.  My message to the MSM:  You guys rooted for him, you guys got him, you guys get to live with him.  If he isn't what you wanted, it's your mistake.  For my part, I will hold Obama to the same standard the MSM held Bush to during his administration.  Anything that goes wrong, from acne to warts, will be Obama's fault.  If he does anything right, I will either ignore it or credit someone else.

A similar message goes to Hollywood glitterati.  You worshiped Obama during the election and I expect nothing less than rapt adoration during his presidency; no criticism, no satire, no jokes.  If things don't work out, don't blame Obama; blame the guy in the mirror.  By the way, you can lighten up on Republicans since we are no longer in power; just let us dodder off peacefully into the sunset.

I do not want to hear any more whining about how racist the U.S. is.  We have now elected a black person as President and, hence, the leader of the free world.  We are the only G8 nation to ever elect a black person as its leader.  This was not a grudging victory; Obama won by a landslide, with a 6% advantage in the popular vote and double the Electoral College votes of his opponent.  Obama is not shy about padding his credentials, so I'm sure he would like to take credit for this election.  But let's be clear, credit goes to the American people for this one.  Therefore, I will no longer abide the guilt mongering of Jesse Jackson, the angry victimhood of Al Sharpton, or the racial invectives by Jeremiah Wright any more than I will tolerate the Ku Klux Klan or white supremacists.  Divisiveness has no place in mainstream America. 

I have compiled well over 200 promises Obama made during his campaign, mostly taken from his website.  He did not equivocate or hedge on these during the campaign despite being given the opportunity to do so during the debates.  Therefore, I will hold him to each and every one of these promises during his presidency.  The press is already laying the foundation for excuses: he comes into office with high expectations (which he created himself); the economic crisis will prevent or delay his agenda (he knew of these problems during the campaign but stuck to his promises anyway); he doesn't have a super-majority in the Senate (only a prima donna would use this as an excuse); or factions within the Democratic Party, such as the Blue Dogs, may make it difficult to pass his agenda (if Democrats can't govern when they control the government, they don't deserve to be in power).  You get the idea; give the people what they voted for, no excuses.

Similarly, with Democrats controlling the White House, both houses of Congress, and having a majority of state governors any failures will fall squarely on their shoulders.  If important issues like immigration or Social Security reform don't get resolved, if new problems arise and aren't addressed, or if international events aren't dealt with appropriately then Democrats can take the fall.  After all, Obama told us he was the right man with the right temperament, the right judgment, the right plans, the right vision, the right change, and the right abilities at the right time for America.  With that sales pitch, I would expect nothing less than perfection from him and his party.


I also don't want to hear any more complaints about the middle class being squeezed, lack of health care, unfairness of income distribution, the poor quality of education, loss of jobs to other countries, unemployment, the unjustified war in Iraq, terrorism, insufficient regulation, lack of affordable housing, or high energy costs.  Obama promised to fix all that and more.  If you've got a problem, take it up with him.

Now that Obama has been elected, his speeches will become part of the everyday television background noise in American households.  However, there's a problem.  Although he appears to be speaking English, it is actually a unique dialect, which I'll call Obamanese, in which words don't have their usual meanings.  To help the average citizen understand what he is saying, here is a glossary of some of his more common terms and phrases.

Bipartisanship.  Finding a way to blame Republicans for anything that goes wrong or is unpopular. 

Change.  Liberalism.  Variations:  Change we can believe in  and change we need are Obama's form of redistributive liberalism.  Fundamental change is moving away from capitalism and Constitutional originalism towards Marxism.

Distracting from the issues.  A way of saying "I don't want to talk about that", typically used when Obama has no adequate response to a criticism.

Divisiveness.  Similar to distracting from the issues.  Another way of saying "How dare you disagree with me".

Fair.  Equal outcomes for all citizens, per Marxist doctrine.

Foreign policy.  Cultivating international approval by treating out allies like enemies and our enemies like friends.

Hope.  A nonspecific mantra, similar to "om", meant to stop rational thought and cause the eyes to glaze over in rapt adoration.

Inartful.  To most people, an inartful statement is one that isn't clear.  To Obama, it is one that is so clear that it does not allow him wiggle room to equivocate or change his position.

Invest.  There are two definitions:  1) taking money from one group of citizens and giving it to another and 2) taking money from the people so the government can spend it on any and all projects.

Middle Class.  A technical term much like "useful idiots".  Saul Alinsky (Rules for Radicals) described groups of people that can be used in the process of acquiring power.  The poor have no power, so the way to gain power is to manipulate the emotions of the middle class.

Neighborly.  The government forcing one citizen to shoulder the responsibilities of another.

Opportunity.  A government handout, as in spread the opportunity.

Partisanship.  Any disagreement with Obama.

Revise.  Used to describe a change in position on a subject that is so blatant that it can't be denied.  Typically applied to changes that are made solely for political reasons.  Often used after "My position has not changed" has met with skepticism.

Selfish.  The naive notion that the money you earn actually belongs to you.

Somebody I knew from the neighborhood.  A close friend, advisor, associate, or confidant.

Spread the wealth.  Taking money earned by one group of people and giving it to another group who didn't earn it for the purpose of equalizing incomes.  Consistent with the Marxist dictum "from each according to his abilities to each according to his needs" and the political strategy of buying votes.

Unite.  Unquestioning support of Obama.

Wealth.  The earnings of American citizens, considered as property of the government.

Obama's campaign has been all about the money.  Like a good Democrat, he has demonstrated an insatiable appetite for money and has spent it like water.  His election night party reportedly cost $2 million and he actually charged the news media to cover it.  Now that he has won election, the next logical step is product endorsements and I have compiled a "starter list" for him to consider.

Kool-Aid
Athletes who accomplish greatness have graced Wheaties boxes for years.  Although Obama plays basketball, athletic prowess is not his strength.  Political analysts have said that, more than heading up a political party, Obama is leading a movement.  His speeches, filled with little more than thought-terminating cliches, anaphora, jejune rhetoric, and hyperbole delivered to chanting crowds is more typical of a cult.  To honor this newest American craze, Kraft Foods should adorn Kool-Aid packages with his picture.  Obama has hinted that he might prefer to have his picture on the dollar bill.  However, it is considered bad form to place your image on currency before you have accomplished anything.  Let's just settle for Kool-Aid for now.

Silverstone
Ronald Reagan was known as the "Teflon President".  In terms of political "slickness", he has been eclipsed by Obama.  Therefore, it is appropriate that Obama endorse the most modern and advanced nonstick cooking surface.  Since Reagan didn't seize the opportunity to endorse Teflon, Obama's endorsement of Silverstone would once again demonstrate just how hip, modern, and savvy he is compared to stodgy Republicans, reifying his campaign rhetoric that they have no new ideas.

Drano
One of the most famous moments of the campaign was when Joe the Plumber dared ask Obama a reasonable question.  The rest was history.  Joe's personal privacy was trashed by Democrat partisans and he was continuously ridiculed by Obama.  Because of this, I doubt that any plumber, or even any tradesman, will cherish the thought of doing repairs at the Obama house.  Imagine the fallout that could arise from the repairman asking, "What seems to be the problem?"  Kiss your privacy goodbye, buddy and prepare to be made a public laughingstock!  Imagine Obama paying the repairman and then demanding the money be returned so it can be distributed to other people.  Finally, the press would hound the repairman mercilessly the minute he walked out the door. 

The Obamas will need to have alternatives to professional repairment and Drano should be at the top of their list.  Anti-plumber solidarity among Obama supporters should cause Drano to fly off the shelves.

RE/MAX
Obama has a long connection with the real estate market through his work on low-income housing.  More important, the purchase of his Hyde Park home is perhaps the most famous real estate deal of recent years.  Obama and felon Tony Rezko bought adjoining properties and then Rezko sold a portion of his property to Obama to increase the size of his lot.  RE/MAX should be able to leverage the ideas of creative financing and consorting with criminals along with Obama's "Yes we can" mantra in an ad campaign that will truly inspire first time home buyers.

Microsoft Vista
This is perhaps the most appropriate product endorsement of all for Obama because they have so much in common. 

• Vista is bloatware.  Obama proposes bigger government.
• Vista is characterized by poor performance and a glitzy look and feel.  Obama is characterized by little accomplishment and soaring rhetoric.
• Microsoft continually updates Vista.  Everything about Obama is written in pencil; he revises his personal history, political positions, and what his statements "really mean" at will.
  
• Microsoft has defeated competitors with questionable business practices.  Obama won his first election by challenging nomination petition signatures.
• Microsoft has been found guilty of engaging in unfair business practices.  Obama uses campaign strategies from Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals.
• Microsoft and Obama have gone from humble roots to a position of dominance in one lifetime.

  Above all else, Microsoft and Obama both approach competition with Darwinian zeal.